==REACTIVITY BLOCKS FULL-FILLMENT == May 28, 2020
Why do we react? What are the characteristics of reactivity? "We become reactive to ourselves because of PTS, from our past, and we get stuck there. And...it's a clandestine sort of suffering. We don't know how to get out of it, because it is so personal, so silent, so invisible and we just don't have the words for it."
The quandary when it comes to wondering about reactivity, as it seems to me, is the location of it. Something occurs "outside" and we react "inside." Some people react to some things, while others don't? Reactivity handicaps us. When we react we see how what happens outside of us impacts us inside. And when we react to something outside, we cant always blame the "outside" thing for our reaction. The problem is the level of reactivity in itself. In the not being able to separate ourselves from the "thing" that is happening is what is the problem. We, for the most part, weren't taught how to do this as children, and now, because we didn't learn, we. have a huger problem. When we react to something that we perceive is outside of ourselves, what we are really reacting to is what is "coming up" on the inside of ourselves...When we aren't aware of what is coming up, we see the problem being "outside" of ourselves.
We can make the jump to lightspeed within ourselves if we begin to recognize that reactivity happens within ourselves FIRST. When we are able to do this, we have the opportunity to learn about ourselves. Go deeper. Be present. Reactivity is a behavior of redoing , or re-experiencing, what we've already done in the past. It is a baseline filter that functions in our unconscious that causes us to remain in a mental loop, on a mental mouse wheel. I think this is why many people complain of feeling stuck.
There is no getting around the fact that much of what passes for our opinions, our feelings, our thinking, has to do with the mental reactive loop in which we find ourselves. We deny it because we just don't know what to do to get out of it. But it is inside of us, like, as Eckhart Tolle' suggests, as an entity, a possession. It has it's own agenda and it comes from, mostly, our past.
When an insight comes to us, we are usually not ready for it. Something catches us and we feel like we have hit upon something. It is as if Captain Kirk from Star Trek has just informed Mr. Scott, "We're going to Warp 5." Get ready because what's happening deep inside of you is a power which you have had all along, but you have not been tapped into. Something inside of you knows...but it's not your ego, your filtering sense of what's right and what's wrong. It is your HIGHER SELF. It might be called a moment of illumination, revelation or enlightenment. The ego wants to explain it away, ignore it, deny it, run from it, or argue with it. But this place on the inside of you is still there and will always be there. You have the opportunity to participate in the newly emerging quantum field, which is much more related to mercury than molasses. Insight and awareness, experienced in the now, is what happens to introduce us to this field of experience.
When making the jump to light speed in the quantum field, we can know that this experience exists thanks to the insight we get from an awareness, a metaphor, or mythological tale. When we get an "insight" it's as if we have hit on an iceberg. It can be at first and usually is frightening. Here we are going along in the normal day, then FLASH, out of nowhere comes this feeling of being ignited, turned on, inspired even. It stands in contrast to the normal thing we've been spinning around in. Indeed our ego, our old brain, cannot contain it. When an insight comes something inside of us shifts, moves, says "Hey, look here!" Insights are gifts from our psyche' and happen when a fortunate word is spoken, visualization is seen, or a story we get caught up in is told.
Insights are experienced as "aha's" or "uhoh's."
In the pairs of opposites, insight shows up as aha or uhoh. These are two sides of the same coin and depending upon which of these two sides we experience the world, we will have either one or the other experience. The psyche' thrives and courts these experiences - it say's "come on baby light my fire." The ego is threatened by these experiences because it wants and needs to be in control - it says "Hater, get that stuff outa here!" Finding one's self in between these two opposites is a daring, precarious proposal but is the only step that is first. We can never be rid of our ego because it is intrinsic to us - but we can modify the ego, and transform its death grip on our lives, by seeking out and being aware of the insights that come, unexpectedly, in a word, a story, or a dream.
People who are practicing being aware love these moments when something strange catches them. They feel some kind of magic happening. It's like a magic carpet has appeared underneath of them which carries them. People who are not practicing being aware are more often frightened by these moments. The insight, awareness moment, carries with it a sense of danger that feels ominous. My contention is that this moment holds the key to participating in the quantum field and needs one's attention, desperately.
Insight leads on further down and into the depth of one's own awareness. When one is stuck in the field of the ego, one sees outwardly, with the two eyes. When one gets an insight it's as if the inner eye, call it the third eye, is opening. When people stuck in the ego have an insight they go the other way. They immediately look at who or what caused it. There is a sense of indignation, argument and blame. The fight/flight symptom of PTS takes over and the person runs away, feeling overwhelmed, suspicious and mistrusting especially because they experience this as an "outside" influence. And the person doesn't have to physically "leave" the situation, they simply leave inside of their mind. The literally "go" someplace else. They don't or can't listen. They are gone. The problem is not inside, but is outside for the person stuck in their ego. (Coming Soon: Blog on how Thought Bubbles become Lead Balloons)
The discipline of becoming aware, internally, that is required for human growth and potential, is to find a way to hold one's reactivity in check. This "delaying reaction" sets up the opportunity for a person to listen deeply to themselves and to hear what comes up for them. When we hold this place within ourselves we discover what Jung the "shadow" side of the personality. Let me also say, that this is not easy to do. We've been conditioned to ignore it and deny it, and so it might feel like we're trying to turn the Mississippi river around and make it go in a different direction. The shadow side of us is what we hide, repress and deny. It is related to our unfinished business and experience from the past. Our PTS. It contains at the same time, believe or not, a gold that we haven't mined yet. We have a richness inside of ourselves which, if we live in our ego, without insight, we never discover. Finding ourselves in this dynamic is related to and what produces our feeling of self worth and value. We feel deepened when we realize this. So many feel less, unworthy and not good enough because this inside awareness is untapped, unexplored and unknown. It is an adventure waiting for us to say yes to.
When we're not standing at the edge of the quantum field, becoming a little more suspicious of our reactivity, we blame our reactions on the outside world. We say others caused us to react. That's what the ego wants. The paradoxical relationship between the outside world and the inside world is forever present. To make a distinct discernment between these two requires an in-depth appreciation for and acceptance of the PTS that is alive and well in our shadow. We find that we haven't been reacting to the outside world at all, but only to ourselves, our insides, our wounds, our unfinished business and our unknown SELF.
I think of insight as if it is the meteoric metaphoric. It brings a sense of euphoric joy as well. We see it flash across the sky of our mind. This moment is telling us something, something only which we can know. It is our responsibility to be responsible for it, to express it, to allow ourselves to be seized by it. It is ushering us into the quantum field, to live life at the speed of light...the speed of insight as we fly on our magic carpet.
Not to wax too religious here, but I think it's appropriate to say at this point that "we are fearfully and wonderfully made."